One in Three Campaign
One in three victims of family violence are male

Men's stories

MEN’S PERSONAL STORIES

If you are a male victim of family violence – intimate partner violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse – this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

 

Brian's personal story

In 2010 as I slept my wife took my charge card and bought heroin. Hours later I had awakened and she arrived home. I attempted to take my card and her drug paraphernalia from her purse. At this time she sliced my leg with a knife. She then left the house. This time she used my card to buy crack cocaine. She arrived home after day break. Again I attempted to take back my card from her purse. She hit me with a baseball bat, I had a pot of hot coffee thrown at me, was bitten on both arms leaving permanent scars, maced, had my face raked by her finger nails leaving permanent scars. And pinned against the refrigerator with a knife to my chest.

I called her parents for help. After which she threw my phone in the toilet. Her parents convinced her to leave the home. My wife who was intoxicated attempted to take the car keys. She is a habitual intoxicated driver. I tried to grab the keys and she again scratched my face with her fingernails. I instinctively headbutted her. Her father then punched me in my face. As they left in the parents' car and our vehicle I called the police from a neighbor's home.

When the police arrived I showed them my injuries and told them the details of the assaults on me. She and her parents, along with a family friend also called the police from a nearby area. They all made up stories and I was arrested for domestic assault. She was treated as a victim and brought to hospital. I was denied medical care and placed in a police holding cell. I was subsequently beaten by the police. I was forced by the court to plead guilty to a crime I didn't commit. My options were to plead guilty and get probation or fight the case and risk getting 4 years in prison.

The police lied in their reports and so I had no chance in a potential court case. The domestic violence advocate at court would not allow me into my home until I pled guilty. I spent 4 months living with my mother. It was basically, "plead guilty if you want to return to your residence." I am a former police officer so my picture was on the front page of the local newspapers. Because of my domestic violence conviction I am no longer able to have a firearm after carrying one for 23 years and risking my life for the community.

I am a prime example of the inequality of how men are treated in domestic violence incidents. The police claim that all my injuries were from her trying to protect herself from me. I am reluctant to call the police when she assaults me now. She tells me she will tell the police that I assaulted her. The system needs to be fixed and more people and the police and courts have to understand that men can be victims of domestic violence. I was not just victimised by her but by the police, the courts and her family relations at the courthouse. I would have never believed this story if it didn't happen to me. The system needs to be fixed my friends.

[1IN3 editor's note: this case would have added to the collected statistics of 'men's violence against women', even though the reverse is true].

One in Three Campaign