Paul's personal story

My ex-wife of 18 years who I loved my entire marriage used physical violence, verbal violence and sex as a power or control weapon. I never verbally or physically attacked or threatened my wife our entire marriage (why would you I thought?). I never told anyone about the physical hits to my head, arms and face when she became violent, I just blocked my face and waited until she calmed down. She told me on many occasions, "Hit me!", "Why don't you hit me? You know you want to". She never hit our 2 children, just myself.

The verbal abuse was far worse as it breaks you down slowly and the way the children spoke to me by the time they were teenagers mirrored their mother. My wife made me beg for sex and refused any advances and acts of intimacy or courting, foreplay, etc. I had sex once or twice a year and she would laugh at me if I was less then long lasting.

I was not a nerdy husband and played rugby, had degrees and a profession, did weights, earned 250k pa, never lied to her and loved and cared for my family. The mental damage of this domestic violence after my wife divorced me and had a long-term affair with my friend left me numb and low self esteem. The children didn't want to live or stay with me as 13 and 18. I started drinking, couldn't sleep and had a broken heart and mind.

I feel for any person who is a victim of domestic violence but men live in just as much silence. What upsets me still is advertising ads showing the wife and children laughing, putting down, not respecting, not giving a bit of love in many family ads. Dads can cook, clean, nurture, support, care educate just as much as women and do it far more then the media portrays. Marriage is not a competition marriage or a power or control game. It's unconditional love and violence has no place. Now single, I have met a number of women (not all) who are extremely aggressive and man-haters. Education at home and at schools and for mentors and role models are needed for young men and women.