Lost and Confused's personal story

I'll start with the sad admission that my female partner has abused me regularly for the past 5 years. I have tried very hard to work through the issues that cause her to become abusive to the great detriment to my own mental health. I have been pushed to the point of retaliation a few times but I always try very hard to not snap under pressure. Often I feel like giving up completely. We have separated a few times but always get back together. Perhaps this situation rings true for some of you out there. In spite of everything that's happened I still love her and I know she loves me too. I want to keep trying. For those who are still trying their best to live normally I have some advice.

Recently I was enduring and doing my best to ignore a day of verbal text message abuse. At the end of my working day I met my partner in town and calmly but firmly confronted her on her behaviour. She lost her temper and hit me – once. I was unhurt and unharmed – I walked away, shaken and upset.

The incident is unfortunately something I have experienced several times now. This time she had been drinking, I was scared she would turn violent towards me through the night, something that has happened before and caused me to run away. She turned up at home angry and I smelled trouble. Upset, lost and stuck with no friends to turn and talk to I ran away. I went to the nearby police station, I thought I'd find someone willing to listen and just share a kind word to get me back on my feet. Goodness me I wish I had not done this now.

I have learned the police are evidently unable and unwilling to support someone like me who just wanted to talk through their difficulties and make a plan to resolve things at home. They are evidently tasked with proving by numbers their effectiveness at bringing DV perpetrators to justice. While I was upset they simply probed me using a checklist until they had enough information to go find CCTV evidence of my partner striking me and – the next day when my partner and I were enjoying our evening dinner police arrived at the doorstep to arrest her and lay criminal assault charges. In spite of my insistence I was making no complaint nor statement to claim an assault had been made on me. This was not the outcome I wanted at all – the police only seem interested in gathering statistics for their own benefit.

Now I face the absurd and costly challenge of defending my partner in court for charges I have no wish to bring on her. The world has gone completely mad.