Bruce's personal story

When I first got married my wife was attractive, sweet, shy and positively happy. However after twelve months of marriage I began to realise that something was missing. As I realised that our marriage was lacking Intimacy.

My wife has become to boss me around, and it was becoming increasing obvious that her personality was changing.

Before we got married, we never had one single argument, but she was no longer the sweet innocent woman that I once knew. She never ever told me that she loved me of her own account, and only ever said it in return, if I said it to her first.

After building and moving into our new home, which I helped build, she began to shows signs of behaviour that I did like. Even while we were engaged, she showed extreme sign of Selfishness on one account, and was a side of her that I didn’t like.

She would show signs and Traits of:--

Selfishness, Moodiness, and Frequent Tantrums which I found difficult to deal with.

She would often bite my head off, if I happened to say one word out of place and I thought and felt that she was quite inconsiderate when she would often say what she thought, regardless of whether it hurt my feelings or not, which she often did on a frequent basis and it felt like her stabbing me, because she would often be nasty for no particular reason. But I would just bite my tongue and not retaliate.

I would often get the silent treatment, if she cracked the shits, which was quite frequent; and I seriously began to think that I had married the wrong woman, because she was never acted or behaved this prior to getting married.

Also, not long after we moved into our new house, my wife talked me into selling our Both cars and having just one car, to save costs. This was a decision that I long regretted as from the day we went down to one car, I lost my independence, and we frequently had arguments about me using the car when I needed it. I had to use Public Transport for most of the time, while she had use of the car, which Begrudged me.

Despite my wife’s attitude and behaviour, I stayed with her out of loyalty and also the fact that I was scared of getting a divorce.

Our Sex life was Pathetic and she frustrated me something Chronic, from the day we got married, with her extreme Prudish attitude. She would only have sex under the blankets and would complain if I left a bedside light on and she totally disapproved on Oral Sex.

I had always dreamed of being a father, but after trying to conceive for some time I went to my local GP and decided to get tested. As a result of this, the tests were inconclusive, and so we enrolled into The IVF Program, so that we would have a better chance of becoming parents.

After several attempts, my wife finally fell pregnant, but it was a difficult pregnancy as my wife developed Pre-eclampsia. As the years past, my wife continued to treat me like crap with her foul mouth tongue, by belittling me, biting my head off and continued to have little consideration as to what she said to me, as she continued to hurt my feelings deeply. If I tried to voice my Opinions on any topic, she would put me down and make me feel that my opinions weren’t valued, but regarded her opinions more important.

As a father, I was a Doting Dad, as I had always wanted to be a father, and I was totally stoked that I had a beautiful baby Son; but my feelings and emotions were mixed. I loved my son, but I was having doubts about the love for my wife, as I did not like the person that she had become.

We tried to have more children, but it was not to be. Whilst I would have loved to have had more children, I felt that I did not want to have more children with my wife.

In my early 40’s, (1999) I had a midlife crisis, which led me to seek Counselling. This was a direct result of my sheer frustration with my wife and Marriage. I went to Counselling in order to seek help, not only for myself, but for marriage counselling as well. This Counselling helped me greatly at the time, and went for approximately 18 months, and was a great help to me at the time.

Despite this Counselling being to assist and help my relationship with my Wife, My wife bluntly refused to take any part of it, which I found hard to believe. But then my wife has never really been to a GP for any personal visits for herself that I know of. She only went to the doctor when she required help for our son.

My wife has always complained that I talked in my sleep, and that I used to tell her off when I was fast asleep. The only knowledge I have of this, was if she told me, and frequently did, and I was made to feel guilty for this, but I had no recollection about it. Only that she told me.

If she did not saying anything, I would have been completely oblivious about it. This annoyed me something Chronic, as I only had her word for it, and could not prove it.

Over the years, my wife’s behaviour and attitude have had a profound effect on my personality. Where I was once quite happy and outgoing, I now had gone back into my shell and kept my feeling and emotions bottled up. She often put words into my mouth and I thought that she often played mind games with me and could be quite manipulating with her behaviour, as she would frequently tell me how I should feel?

She also frequently tells me, that I say to her in my sleep that she does nothing around the house and this aggravates my feelings and belief into thinking that my love for her is slowly dying, as she is so far removed from the person that I married.

She is so negative and the mood is Toxic. She constantly complains about anything and everything to the point that I just switch off in order to cope with her constant negativity. For over ten years, her weight has fluctuated like a Yo-Yo, and I put this down to her insecurity. She constantly complains about anything and everything. Her attitude is so bitter and Negative and that I have become emotionally detached from her. When I lost my lost standing Career with The State Government as a Locomotive Driver with The Public Transport System, after serving close to 37 continuous years service, where I was working for V/Line Passenger at the time, she did not show any sign of Empathy or concern or compassion as to my personal well being or mental state as I was suffering from stress and anxiety. I was completely devastated, and had a complete loss of appetite, had difficulty sleeping, and a complete loss of interest in my hobbies.

All that my wife could do was complain about our financial situation, and even to this day, she will often complain that I did nothing around the house during the time that I was out of work. I could have been on the verge of depression, but she was too absorbed with herself and I felt that she had little disregard for my well being after losing my Career.

Since losing my Career at V/Line in 2013, our relationship has deteriorated even further. To make things worse her Aging mother moved in with us in about 2014, and has done nothing but ride my back ever since.

Her mother is Dominating, Speaks her mind even more so that my Wife and continues to scrutinize and criticize everything I do. Her Mother has even brought tears to her eyes with her acid tongue, and I have told her once that she is a Bitch. It being a case of Like Mother, like Daughter.

My wife does not makes things easy for herself, and is her own worst enemy. She tells her mother every single thing that goes on in the house, and her mother takes everything on board. Then will use this as ammunition against me or my wife which annoys me something Chronic.

Her mother makes out that she is a lady and that butter would not melt in her mouth. Reality Check: I have never experienced such nastiness and bitchiness from a woman as her; despite her old Age.

She does NOT respect any boundaries, she voices her opinions openly and says exactly what is on her mind without fear or favour.

I firmly believe that she is an absolute Trouble maker and has been a driving wedge between my wife and Myself, and is being a disturbing and unwanted Influence with our household ever since she moved in.

If I try and stand up to her, my wife takes her side and backs her up and they both gang up on me. But it is a completely different story when her mother says something that upsets her

On one occasion when I was trying to stand up for myself, Her mother tried to bait me, by inviting me to hit her so that she could call the Police, and have me arrested for Domestic Violence. I was completely shocked by her attitude. Over the last 5 years I have felt sorry for my Son. As I have noticed that his personality has changed also, as he has also gone into his shell and hardly talks at all.

When he was in Primary School, he used to be so out going, but since he started year 7 at Secondary School, my wife has constantly been on his back. Yelling and screaming at him over his Homework, etc. Like me, he talks to my wife even less than I do; and this frustrates my wife and her mother even more; which is a vicious circle.

Her Tantrums have been intolerable and demonstrates how hot tempered she can be. She often slams the door on my son’s bedroom door at him, so hard that the door stop within the jamb is loose.

This last twelve months, I have clammed up so much that I talk to The Monster in law as little as possible. Both my wife and her mother cannot see or understand why, both me and my son feel disconnected and reluctant to talk, because when we do, we both get howled down and made to look Stupid or feel like Idiots.

This infuriates both my wife and her mum even more.

Her mother is like a Jekyll and Hyde. She can be nice as pie one day and slash My throat with her razor sharp tongue the next. (Being an Ex Nursing Matron) She is such a Bossy Boots. This past year [2017] I feel like that our marriage has never been at such a low Point, and I have never been so unhappy, and is a living Hell. I could get a Divorce, but I think that knowing my wife the way I do, she would So nasty and vindictive that she would want to get every last cent out of me That she could and our Divorce would NOT be Amicable. This is why I have not taken this step.

My wife’s mother continues to be nasty with her acid tongue and since moving In with us, she has displayed the following Characteristics:

Judgemental. Unforgiving. Two Faced. Double Standards. Hypocritical.

Likes to Keep Score. Intimidating. Over Bearing. Highly Opinionated.

Inconsiderate. Doesn’t respect any Boundaries. Viciously Nasty in her

Comments which are Un-provoked.

My wife always has an uncanny habit of misplacing either her car keys or her Mobile phone. When she cannot find them, she will ALWAYS blame it on the House, that the house is too big, or it’s because there is too much Junk around And that she can’t find them. And will state that she is Sick of it. She never blames herself, but always makes out, that it is because of some other excuse. And quite Frankly I am sick to death of it.

MY WIFE’S ATTITUDE & BEHAVIOUR:

• Prior to getting Engaged we never had any disagreements.

• After we got engaged, my wife exhibited extreme selfishness, by preventing her parents dreams to retire to Geelong. I felt stuck. I would have called off the engagement, but I was living in her house, and it would have made the situation very awkward.

• In the early stages of our relationship my wife was Sweet, Demure, Shy and Innocent.

• After we got married, Within twelve months of being married, I sensed that our marriage lacked Intimacy, which is something that I most dearly needed. There was no passionate kissing, No Loving Hugs or Cuddles and my wife did not appear to show any affection towards me.

• I also noted that when it came to expressing herself, not once would she tell me that she loved me, I would often say it to her but she would only say this, after I said it. After some time, I stopped telling her. So NOT once would she tell me that she loved me spontaneously. But would only tell me, after I had said it.

• Within Two Years of us getting Married, my wife’s Father was diagnosed with Terminal Cancer. My Wife waited with Baited Breath, for her parents to tell her that they were glad that they didn’t go to Geelong. Finally after several Months, my wife got her wish. As her parents told her that they were glad that they didn’t move to Geelong as Planned. My wife, couldn’t tell me quick enough, as I could tell that my wife, only felt Vindicated for her Selfishness, I was totally disgusted with her.

• We always have had two lounges, in the lounge. Whenever we sat down to watch any TV or a Movie, my wife would ALWAYS sit on the other Lounge, and never next to me, as if to keep her distance. Which I found it hard to understand, Why?

• My wife NEVER ever gave me any encouragement whatsoEver; but was always quick to put me down or criticise me, which hurt my feelings.

• My wife frequently bit my head off, if I happened to say one word out of place, to her disliking. I never ever retaliated in verbal put downs or Violence, but wondered what I had done to deserve this? I just bit my tongue and over time learned to keep my feelings to myself because I felt that she did not respect my Opinions, or what I had to say.

• In the early years of marriage, I used to hate Sundays, if I we were home together, as we would nearly always end up having a argument at some point during the day because of something that was insignificant; and then I would get the Silent Treatment.

• Because of Shift work, sometimes both my wife and I would not see much of each other during the day, because she had gone off to work, and I would leave for work before she got home, and when I did get home, she would be in bed. So we be like ships in the night.

• All through our marriage, my wife has never ever been backwards in coming forwards when it came to expressing her feelings of displeasure towards me when it came to being Critical, as she was never very Tactful or considerate as she always said what she thought, without considering my feelings. As a result, my wife consistently hurt my feelings and every time that she did, it felt like a dagger in my heart, so every time that she hurt my feelings, I would just bite my tongue and take one step back. So over the years, I have taken so many steps backwards from her that I feel that I am no longer connected to her emotionally.

• All through our marriage, I have always felt sexually frustrated because my wife made it so difficult for me to be able to feel sexually fulfilled or satisfied because of her Prudish and reserved attitude towards sex. Very rarely did I get to see her completely naked; unless I walked in the Ensuite while she was having a shower. She would never have sex unless we were under the blankets and would even complain if I left a bedside light on, to the point that she would not engage, unless I turned the light off.

• After the birth of our Son, thru IVF (which I instigated) we attempted to have more, but when my wife had her ovulation period, I would get criticised for going to bed early when I was required to start work at 03.0am – 04-00am in the morning. My work involved being safety critical and it was important to my job to get sufficient sleep.

• Finally with my wife’s erratic Behaviour and Attitude, I decided that I no longer wanted to have another child with this woman.

• In the Early stages of our marriage, I found my wife to be very Moody as she would fly off the handle very easily and would have Tantrums; which I found difficult to deal with.

• My wife’s attitude has nearly always been negative and pessimistic, to the point where she is Toxic. She constantly complains Non Stop and whinges about anything and everything and my coping mechanism has been to just switch off, or leave the room and find some quiet time to myself.

• For the whole time of our marriage, my wife has never ever said to me of her own free will that she loves me, Never given me a loving Hug or Cuddle of her own free will, and I am of the opinion that she is emotionally cold to me.

• In 2013, when I lost my long time career in The Public Transport Industry after 35 years continuous service; I was completely devastated after I was forced into Early Retirement after being shafted by a high ranking Union Official. I lost all Self Confidence and Self Esteem and was suffering from Acute Stress and Anxiety. I could have easily sunk into depression, but thankfully I didn’t. For the best part of six to seven months of the year I concentrated on working on my Unfair Dismissal case, so that I could get re-instated thru’ Unfair Dismissal, but it was all in vain. Even today, my wife frequently remarks that I did nothing around the house, while I was out of work. This felt like a complete betrayal, as I never once felt any support or compassion from her or empathy on her part; as she obviously did not comprehend that I was suffering mentally.

• Roughly about 12 months after I lost my Job, my wife asked about her Aging mother moving in with us; (which I had concerns about) but reluctantly agreed as I thought that this would help my wife in being less hectic, and having to run around for her mother.

• Ever since her mother move in, She has been an absolute Bitch towards me, riding my back constantly, and it has mentally wore me down. She is an Ex Nursing Matron and is very Outspoken, Judgemental, Sarcastic, and Over bearing. She does NOT respect any boundaries as to her place in the household. Is Highly Opinionated. Bombastic. Bossy. Two faced. Hypocritical. Exhibits Double Standards between my wife and Myself. Domineering and Above all, is Just a nasty Old Bitch.

• After having to put up with her mother’s Toxic Attitude towards me, I can now fully understand why my wife is the way she is. Like Mother like daughter.

• Since 2013, these past years has been mentally trying for me, I have had to put up with so much Crap, particularly at Home with my wife’s Toxic Negativity and Bitterness. Her constant complaining from both her and her mother that I have clammed up and gone into my shell, because it doesn’t matter what I say or do, nothing is going to satisfy either my wife or her mother, so nothing is ever going to be good enough.

• Both my wife and particularly her mother’s attitude and behaviour towards me borders on domestic Violence in terms of the Psychological abuse, that I Feel is directed at me. Even to the point of her mother, inviting me to physically hit her, just so that she could call the police on Me is unbelievable.

• My 19 year old son has also suffered with my wife’s behaviour. When he was in Primary school, he used to be quite Out going in his personality; but once he started Secondary school, I have noticed his personality has changed so much. He hardly speaks to his mother at all, unless he needs something. They often have heated arguments, to the point where my wife will slam his bedroom door in a Rage, to the point where the door stop within the jam has come loose.

• My Son, often goes out of a weekend and stays overnight with friends, and I think that this is a way for him to escape the Toxic environment in our house, as the atmosphere can be cut with a knife for most of the time.

• Since the mother-in-law moved in, I feel that I am no longer a King in my own home, as I feel like I am treading on egg shells everyday, as I never ever feel relaxed anymore, as both my wife and her mother are always criticising me every single day. I very rarely get any good quality time to myself, or to find time spending on my hobbies , without either, or both women voicing their criticism against me, and being accused of not doing anything around the house.

• If I do, do anything around the house, I get accuse of only doing it because I have to, so it is a case of dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t.

• Of the times that I have stood up to the Mother-in-law and tried to put her back in her place, it is like water off a ducks back. And now my wife will take her mother side and go to her defence and support her, instead of me, which I feel like this is a complete betrayal, and it cuts deep as they both gang up on me; even though her mother has been a disruptive influence in the house, and has upset her own daughter at times, when she first moved in, and brought her daughter to tears because of her acid tongue.

• Both my wife and her mother are alike. They are both Negative and Toxic towards me, and have razor sharp tongues and can be quite nasty.

• My wife has very few personal friends, because of different reasons, and now, her mother is the only person that she uses as a friend. My wife will tell her every single thing that goes on in the house, and her mother takes this all on board, Most of which is none of her business.

• If my son ever decides to move out, and If I ever decide that I have had enough and want a divorce, my wife will be one very lonely bitter woman, and she will only have herself to blame. And I will be quite happy if I never saw her ever again.

• I have often thought of Divorcing her for a very long time, but I have been scared of the Unknown and getting a divorce this late in life is scary; but I have always been scared that Knowing my wife as I do. I have seen how very nasty and Vindictive that my wife can be, when she has fallen out with some of her friends of past over the years, so I know that if we separated, or divorced; it would NOT be Amicable, and I firmly believe that she would try and screw me, for every cent that she could.

• For most of this year [2017] when working afternoon shift, I have been getting to bed between 02.00am and 04.00am depending on how busy we were at work. My wife gets up anytime between 06.30am and 07.00am. each morning as is so inconsiderate that when she goes to the Ensuite, my wife would not close the door quietly. But would close the door loudly, which disturbs my sleep. I am firmly convinced that she does this deliberately.

• In 2005, I took the family on a Holiday to The Gold Coast, where we went to The Theme Parks for our young Son. We also invited my wife’s mother, as she was no problem at the time. We stayed in Apartments. On night my wife got upset over something Trivial, [which was not unusual] Her mother tried to Mediate and my wife was upset, and I couldn’t understand why. In the Process, my wife’s mother admitted to me, that my wife has said some nasty things to me over the years. This not only proved to me that this was an admission that my wife said some nasty things to me; but it also demonstrated that her mother had double standards, as this showed that If my wife said anything nasty, nothing would be said. But if I said anything to my wife was wasn’t nice, Her mother would have a go at me.

• On Sunday the 17/09/2017, I had a big row with my wife’s mother. She expects everyone to be perfect like her, and I am just so sick to death of her always being on my back about something. Her relentless criticism and sarcasm and constant nit picking and Negativity towards me is harrowing and is never ending. It doesn’t matter what I do or say, nothing would be ever Good enough for her. I left to go to work shortly after.

• Monday 18/09/2017. This morning my wife cracked the shits with me, regarding her mother. I said to her that she was being nasty to me; and her response was that she doesn’t care. Which says it all. She supports her mother, but Not Me.

• Ever since her Mother moved into our house permanently, our marriage and relationship has deteriorated downhill sharply, and Home is Not Home anymore, as I cannot relax and I always feeling anxious and uneasy ever since she moved in.

• I feel Totally Unconnected with my wife. Her constant put downs and criticism and Negativity and complaining has only increased my need to switch off from her.

• Not since our Courting days has there been any intimacy between us. I would NOT consider my wife, my Friend as I feel betrayed by her constant back stabbing and for not supporting me since 2013.

• I have not opened up to her about my feelings and emotions for a very long time, because I firmly believe and feel that I can NOT TRUST her with these because I no longer respect her and I sense that the feeling towards me is Mutual. 2017 has been the worst year of our Marriage. My wife has been SO Negative and Bitchy towards me, always complaining and making me feel Guilty about anything that she chooses to. I complained to The Council about the Barking dog next dogs, which she also hates barking, but she cracks the shits at me, and tries to make me feel guilty for doing it, instead of agreeing with me.

And went on about it for over a week. She is just so Hypocritical, just like her Mother.