I've been here before to share my story. I should be brave enough to just walk away.

On Friday she was trawling my mobile phone searching for any evidence she could find that I might have someone else. To her great delight she found a short selfie video I had made while walking home from work. At the edge of the screen a short flash-frame of my hand could be seen as I was likely moving to grab something from my pocket. She insisted this was not my hand. It was taken as conclusive proof I was not alone at this time and I must be fooling around with someone else. In the hours of rowing that followed she punched me in the stomach where I now have a large purple bruise.

On the weekend we were discussing plans for the week ahead when she said she wanted to stay in my apartment alone while I was needed to work away interstate. I said to her I did not want her to use my apartment because I feared she would betray me as she had done before, going out and picking up another man. In the explosive hours that followed she took to screaming nearly all night, only stopping to punch herself repeatedly in the face. I could not believe the scene that was playing out in front of me, I did my very best to stop her but was terrified to make any contact in case she turned it into some fake assault. She seemed to want to cause herself injuries that she could later show to others – the next morning her face was swollen and blue at the edges of her eyes. I simply do not know how to handle this. I just broke down in terror of what might come my way. I'm still really scared.

Three, maybe four times now there have been incidents where the police were called. Each time no matter how hard she tried – and to their great credit – the police could see she was the one with the fierce temper and the one causing all the trouble. Each time they have recorded me as the victim of the incident – thank heavens. I want to share this part to help others understand the police are not bound to take the woman's side. The police I have dealt with at least could see how terrified I was of becoming falsely accused of violence and I could clearly demonstrate how it was me taking defensive action against being attacked. The advice I offer to you all is lean on the services. Call the helplines. Call the police. Just make sure you call them before you get pushed too hard or something really nasty happens.

For years I have been accused by her of infidelity and everything I do monitored closely to look for opportunities to justify a launch into attack. If I'm at work she calls me 6 times or more daily. If I do not pick up or respond immediately with a personalised message she starts harassing me – calling me over and over again until I am forced to disrupt my duties. Most recently she has even taken to playing and singing a song with lyrics “liar liar liar liar” and so on, playing it over and over. It's clear she is doing this just to cause me annoyance or hurt or provoke me. The problem is it does hurt me. She frequently tells me I am a liar – I do not lie or have guilty secrets to hide.

Yet she somehow flips back and draws me back in using the charm that drew me to her in the first place. I give in, continue and the cycle plays out again. Heaven help me.