Nathan's personal story

I hate the term victim but when you at your lowest, what else are you? When you have been compared to her ex in every imaginable way (yes including intimate) where do you go?

I have copy and paste from a doc that I wrote, names deleted. I left the real world about twelve years ago. I will start with some real truths and then some explanations.

• I have no self-worth.
• I have been taught to believe that I am a failure.
• I really resent the person / people that did this to me.
• I started a xxxxxxx business to get some self-worth back.
• I went from job to job for years because I didn’t believe that I was worthy of a good job. Even when I got a good job I would leave it because I did not deserve it, so I believed. Only two people tried to contact me after I left the world as in normal life. One, I continue to communicate with and cannot thank this person enough. The second blamed me for everything in their life.
• I cannot allow people to see me, not physically, but mentally.
• I cry every day. Some days or even weeks are good, but, most sad.
• I hate every day, it’s just sad. However, in a crazy way, I love every day that I climb on a xxxxxxxxxxx, make people happy and make money. I was taught for so long that I could not make enough money and that I was a failure. Not you xxx.
• I am a total hermit. I see nobody and do not go out; however, I do have a nice little “friend” that I share nice times with.
• I trust that my ex or her family are nowhere to be seen. She told me that “I have made sure that my family will never speak to you again.” You may find this hard to believe but I do love all of my children. I just think that they are better off without me.

Around 12 years ago I started a relationship with a person that I loved like no other and it was great, or so I thought. This person systematically put me down in every way imaginable, and some of the ways will shock you all.

I cared for her, boosted her confidence, loved her and was there always. However, after she came off anti-depressants, everything changed. I did most of the house cleaning, landscaped the garden, renovated the house, but, the big but, I could not earn enough money. I could not work out why.

Please see the signs early and act on them, whether you are the abuser or the abused.

Let me tell you some of them, and these are harsh.

When washing the dishes “water” was yelled out. That meant you are using too much water in the sink. I was the only one that did the dishes.

I re painted the house twice. Every time I would say: “I will start in this room” only to be told “No how stupid are you? Start in this room”. When I painted a room, she would find a drop of paint somewhere, abuse again.

I landscaped the entire garden, huge job. She was so surprised at how it turned out as her ex was a builder / landscaper and did not think that I could do anything like I did.

If I weeded the garden she would find a few weeds left behind and abuse me.

She constantly compared me to her ex, (now this is hard to believe) even in the most intimate ways. ie “No don’t do it like that XXXX taught me to do it this way” Appalling. Just reflect for a minute people, would any of you compare your partner / husband to your ex in an intimate situation?

I remember one night cooking (as I did) and she came in and said “You have got the wrong Fxxxing fan on (pushed) get out of the kitchen I will do it! You have no idea what you are doing. I stopped cooking after that.

I have a medical allergy to house dust so I asked her not to empty the vacuum cleaner bag inside the house. Her response “What would you know you are just too fucking stupid”

Are you getting the idea?

This IS domestic violence against a man, me. At least I used to think that I was a man now just an idiot.

She is seen as a role model. Paid well and highly regarded in her family, but, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. She has lied to her employers and to her family.

I just hate myself and I have no self-worth.