One in Three Campaign
One in three victims of family violence are male

Men's stories

MEN’S PERSONAL STORIES

If you are a male victim of family violence – intimate partner violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse – this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

 

Paul's personal story

Well I will start by admitting that my wife is a chronic alcoholic and has been for many many years. As the Man of the house I was and am expected by peers to be able to control the violence that takes place. It was not until I began attending Al-Anon that I learnt I could not control her drinking but that is another story.

On with the violence, why do I put up with it and not fight back? Simply because I will never hit or abuse a female under any circumstance!!!

Reading through the stories here I acknowledge and understand that the legal system is not geared towards abuse towards men, in fact they wish to deny the possibility and treat it as a too hard basket. I too hear of the incidents where a man "defends" himself from the wife or partner's violent physical attack and gets arrested for assault on the female. It is unfortunate that when she is sober she is a complete angel but bring alcohol into the equation then things change dramatically. I have a few options to follow,

MOVE OUT!? Ok where is a man to go to find accommodation and besides, I have paid for the home that we share as a marital residence. I have not caused this so why the heck should I move out? Who is going to give or lease a home to a single male? I also have a 20 something YO daughter who lives in the home, It is not her fault, she works part time and can not afford to get her own place. Why would I need to vacate the home and leave her to fend for herself, pay the bills, she can not afford it.

Call the Police? Been there done that and have been through the court system. She has every right to live here, it is the marital home. Bouts of destruction of both the home and MY property result in her return by the court system.

Now to the abuse, Her activities whilst heavily intoxicated range from a cold shoulder to anger and physical violence with everything in between. Denial of intimacy although this has not been a problem with fellow alcoholics and drug abusers behind my back. Fortunately that was in the past, as far as I know but I still have to accept that it did occur. Enter the Mental Health system or should I say the lack of it. Need I go any further with that waste of taxpayers money. Regular appointments for her, when they don't cancel them has done nothing.

So on the supporting carers pension for her perceived depression I can not afford to engage legal professionals to rule in her favour giving her some 50% of the assets. And no doubt instructing me to move out.

So I continue to absorb this abuse and violence as I am a man after all.

Thanks for reading.

One in Three Campaign